Tuesday, March 31, 2009
My children, like most I suppose, do not know how to whisper. They demonstrate this best while in church. This is why we — along with other parents whose children lack the ability to control their volume — choose to sit in the balcony, where we can at least contain the noise.
Even though we sit in the “nose bleed” section, there have been several occasions where I was surprised we weren’t asked to leave because of the wrestling match going on between our children in the middle of The Lord’s Supper.
No amount of bargaining, stink-eye looks or threats made through clinched teeth makes a difference. I have learned that this just makes them louder.
My mother-in-law is shocked when she attends services with us. As soon as we leave she regales us with stories of how Jay never made a peep in church and at 2 years old, probably could have led the service on his own.
One Sunday the pastor had just made the last announcement and was leading congregants into the final prayer. I was so excited that we had almost made it through an entire service without as much as a peep from our kids. As I was about to give myself a pat on the back and thank Jesus for his divine intervention making my children behave, my youngest snapped me back into reality with a question.
In a tone that could only be described as blaring, he shouts out his query. While the timing was off, it could not have been more appropriate.
Shhhh Jack. We’re praying
Mama! I have a question.
Shhhh! What is it? And whisper
What’s God’s last name?
What’s God’s last name?
I came late to religion so this made me fear the wrong answer would be forthcoming. I searched and searched and finally, with beads of perspiration forming on my forehead, it came to me.
MAMA! What IS God’s last name?
I think it’s Christ.
No it’s not! My husband chimed in. That’s Jesus’ last name.
Well what is it then Mr. Know it All? I fumed
I think it’s Almighty. Yep that’s it. God’s last name is definitely Almighty.
About this time I caught the stare of my mother-in-law who was listening in on our conversation with a look of disdain. She got my husband’s attention and gave him that, “you need to be quiet” look. And before I could give her the “You’re not the boss of us” look, the prayer ended and like a flash my kids were up and out.
When I told friends about this conversation everyone shared a nervous laugh. I’m not sure if they laughed because I thought Jesus’ last name was Christ and Jay thought God’s last name was Almighty or maybe because none of us really knew the answer. Regardless, I think that little question was God’s way of telling me and Jay that it’s us who needs to pay more attention in Church.
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