By Angel Kane
Wilson Living Magazine
School starts tomorrow and for the first time in many years, I’m rather melancholy about it.
Most years, I’m glad to return my kids to school. And I don’t mean just glad, I mean ecstatic, overjoyed, beside myself with overwhelming happiness that I am no longer “Julie, their summer Cruise Director” planning one fun and exciting experience after another so that they won’t be…..that word that shall never be spoken again! You know the one…don’t say it, it’s forbidden!
This year, however, our Madi will be a Junior and the college talk has begun, which means soon she will be leaving us for her own adventures. And honestly, its not about Madi leaving that has me down, it’s that, as I told Brody,
“She is the child I practiced on. Remember when I fed her too much and she almost chocked to death? And then I gave her bangs that took years to grow out when all the other little girls had long hair with bows! Not to mention I’ve never been her class room mother – ever! And last year I made her join the soccer team to bolster her college applications and she had her tooth knocked loose! She is going to look back on her childhood and remember me as a horrible mother.”
To which my always agreeable hubby added, “you also forgot to pick her up at school, what was it twice, I mean who forgets their kid? Wait you just didn’t forget Madi, you forgot all three of them, didn’t you?”
But all hope is not lost. (And for the record, I didn’t forget to pick them up, I was just running late…from Nashville.)
What is clear to me, is that I need to reform my image. You know, rewrite history. If Anthony Weiner can run for Mayor after his texting scandal and Martha Stewart can serve jail time and follow her incarceration with a Prime Time Christmas Special, surely I can become supermom in the next two remaining years.
So, in an effort to replace her memories (and those of her siblings while I’m at it) I pledge to do correct my wayward ways as follows:
1. I will not forget to pick you up from school. Not even once, because that is wrong and also because it seems to be that one thing you guys bring up over and over and over. I get it, you get out at 3 and I will be there. What you get out at 2:50? Well, therein lies the first problem.
2. I will make your school lunch for more than just the first week of school. This will, obviously, also entail my going to the grocery on a regular basis which is really a huge thorn in my side but I completely understand, after 10 years you can’t eat one more chicken nugget. Have you tried Chick Fil A nuggets, though, because those are soo good? Ok, no – you are right – make your lunch – done!
3. I will no longer let my son wear girl shirts to school. Apparently boy polo shirts button up on one side and girl polo shirts button up the other – who knew – well apparently most of the 4th grade boys did last year, so this year – no girl shirts!
4. I will not forget to wash your tennis, soccer, cross country, football gear every single night – twice – on HOT! Because throwing them in the dryer for a ten minutes with a dryer sheet and then Febreezing them is not the same… even though it kind of is.
5. I will not wait until the last minute to work on your/my Tennessee Project because all that yelling is bad for everyone. Additionally, I will start building that wigwam at least two weeks early so I can order all the necessities and not end up supergluing sticks and leaves to an old, plastic piece of tupperware the night before it is due. Because that not only gets you a bad grade but more importantly allows That Mom (you know the one) to make a better grade than me/you!
6. I will remember to sign your agenda book/permission slip/sports waiver and won’t encourage you to forge my name when you call me from the school office. Because the Principal has an odd habit of putting me on speaker and also because your Dad’s signature is much easier to replicate.
7. If there is a short period (promise, it will be short) where I can’t make your lunch and you have to eat cafeteria food, I will remember to put money into your lunch account. Because it’s embarrassing not only for you, but for me to get that call…day after day. And while part of me thinks it’s character building, your Dad doesn’t think it’s funny.
8. I will encourage you to attend all practices even if that means I will spend every single day of this next year waiting in my car or sitting in the bleachers for hours on end. One, because I love you and two, because I have a feeling your Dad is keeping a file on me and I probably need to step it up.
9. I will remember that it’s important that I get your teacher a Christmas gift, a Teacher Appreciation gift, a Valentine’s Day gift, and an End of the Year gift because when I/you get that last tardy before Saturday school begins, she just might be “resting her eyes” as you slip into the room at 8:05.
10. I will do my best to not look absolutely pained as I sit through your Christmas, Chorus, End of the Year, School Award Program…because you/I worked hard for that Flutophone award, just as hard as that kid who has won every single other award for the last 10 years. Just as hard!
To read more of Angel or Becky’s Columns go to www.wilsonpost.com or www.wilsonlivingmagazine.com.
